You Don't Even Know

You don't even know. 

You don't even know how hard and truly amazing this week has been for me. 

Since starting college, I've experienced many challenges. I went from a small town high school where I had a purpose, to a college not even fifteen minutes away where suddenly I'm given the chance to start new, and nobody knows me. I have the chance to re-define who I am and what I am known for. 

You don't even know how exciting and absolutely frightening that can be. 

First semester was great, but not without struggle. I had to discover a lifestyle that helped me feel balanced and happy, while still being flexible enough to be an instrument in His hands. 

You don't even know how often I failed, and how often my weaknesses were made strengths.

Chelsea and Ashlee got their mission calls, and I was so happy for them! I knew that they were going to be great missionaries. Yet a part of me became jealous. They don't have to focus on anything for the next 18 months except their mission. 

You don't even know how much I long for that surety. 

Now, I'm not claiming to have a difficult life. I love my life and many great great things are happening. I wouldn't be writing this if I didn't have something to teach you. 

However, I'm not going to deny that I was struggling. Going to school, going to a job I less than enjoy, dealing with brand new roommates, and trying to find myself without the comfort of my best friends living with me. 

You don't even know how often I pray. 

This week I said "see you later" to my two best friends. It seems like an eternity. But I need to tell you something: they are going to be okay. I am going to be okay. You are going to be okay, if you keep the Savior, Jesus Christ close to your heart.

You don't even know.

My insecurity lately has been trying to find my purpose and where I belong. If Ashlee and Chelsea are going to these crazy countries to make a difference in the world, what can I do in Rexburg, Idaho to make a difference? 

My answer has come - ten fold, folks. God is so aware of me. He remembers me. He loves me beyond words. I am important, and I have a purpose in building God's Kingdom. Whether I'm a full-time missionary, ward pianist, or just a visiting teacher I. have. a purpose. 

You don't even know what that means to me. 

I'm not afraid of what is ahead. I know that Ashlee and Chelsea are doing what the Lord has asked of them. And I also know that if I continue to pray to my Heavenly Father that I can know what He needs ME to do. 

You don't even know how comforting that is.

Life is wonderful, God is good, and we are all loved beyond measure!

You don't even know. 

Comments

  1. CarlyMarch 1, 2015 at 11:02 PM

    I love you soooo much Marci!! You are awesome!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. MarciMarch 2, 2015 at 3:32 PM

      Carly! You are wonderful! Will you be my friend!? I'm in dire need of companionship, and I feel like we get along so well!

      Delete

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